School is only a few days away, so it’s that time of year: packing time! For freshmen, packing is one of the most stressful events of their pre-college career. I know this because I went to Target just the other day, and it was filled to the brim with scared looking young people and frustrated parents.

If you’re an incoming student, you’re probably asking a lot of packing questions: “What’s a mattress pad, and why do I need one?” or “It’s freezing there, will I really use this fan?” or “If I bring 12 sweatshirts, is that too many? Will I be warm enough?”

Well, lucky for you, I’m here, and I’ve provided you with a list of all the essentials and non-essentials for your trip to Cuseland.

THE ESSENTIALS

1: Your worst pair of shoes

I know what you’re thinking: shouldn’t I bring … you know … my best pairs? The answer to that question is no, obviously not. Your grimiest, most threadbare pair of shoes are an absolute must for a night out on the town (more specifically: to DJ’s or fraternities).

And, if you think that pair of shoes can’t get any worse, just wait until they’re soaked with Red Bull-vodka and that weird, sticky stuff-that-definitely-can’t-be-just-beer on the floor of every party.

2: A hat the same size as your room’s fire alarm

Sounds weird, I know. But trust me — it will come in handy in case you decide to burn candles, toast or any other recreational thing you may have.

3: Tide Pods

They make the perfect, quick, on-the-go snack when you’re running late to class. Plus — and very few people know this — they can also be used to clean your clothes! Pretty neat, huh? Who would’ve thought!

4: Small pieces of garbage and change to put in your backpack

If you’re like me, your backpack’s outer pocket will inevitably be filled with small pieces of garbage, crumbs and spare pennies by the end of the year. Since this occurrence is inevitable, I say we stop fighting it now and let the chips fall where they may. Better yet, get ahead of the game and start stuffing now.

Plus, this comes with an added bonus: next time your neighbor in class sees you chewing gum and asks for some, they’ll immediately take it back when they see the disgusting, mini trash can that is your backpack’s outer pocket.

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THE NON-ESSENTIALS

1: Anything you can steal from the dining hall

This includes cups, bowls, tables, chairs, utensils, tablecloths, soda machines and lunch ladies. They truly have it all.

2: A sense of direction

You’re probably going to get a little lost at least once. So, just like the garbage accumulating in our bag, let it happen. Go all in. Throw out your maps, your compasses, all of it — just let the wind take you.

3: The “reply-all” button on your email

I don’t know if you can actually delete this feature, but please, just forget about it. Think of the “reply-all” button as a detonator: if you press it, at least half of the people on the listserv will, in an attempt to stop the madness you have created, press “reply-all” once again with the response, “stop hitting reply all.” Then, after this hour long chain-reaction, all hell will break loose. As a survivor of at least two listserv incidents, trust me — this is not an exaggeration.

4: A Bad Attitude!

That’s right! Leave your bad attitude at the door! Syracuse is a GrEaT place: MaybE it’s cOld, bUT, it makes up fOR iT.

Annabeth Grace Mann is a junior television, radio, film student. Annabeth does not condone stealing, violating school policies, underage drinking or consuming cleaning materials. Her column appears biweekly in Pulp. She can be reached at agmann@syr.edu.

Published on August 19, 2018 at 10:00 pm