At this Mecca of higher education, this epicenter for learning and intellectual expansion that we as students strive to achieve every single day, we are going to be in the presence of true greatness. Unparalleled brilliance in the form of one man and his microphone will be bestowed upon us all.

I’m not talking about David Remnick, editor of The New Yorker and the 2014 Syracuse University commencement speaker. He is a grandiose literary figure, but his brilliance is perhaps too conventional in light of the rhetorical goliath whose visit to campus will precede his own.

I’m talking about 2 Chainz.

The depths of psycho- and sociological exploration that his man dives into are truly overwhelming. His lyrics read like a manifesto of spiritual growth, of profound mental aptitude and a capacity for empathy and serenity that few possess.

“My wrist deserve a shout-out/I’m like ‘what up wrist?’/My stove deserve a shout-out/I’m like ‘what up stove?’”

Like Murray Rothbard, the esteemed author of “Man, Economy and State,” before him, 2 Chainz uses these two lines of carefully selected prose to weave a brilliant argument in defense of anarcho-capitalism.

Generally somewhat anti-Marxian in his arguments, in the song “Fork,” 2 Chainz begs the question: why build an infrastructure that creates a dissatisfied proletariat, and does more to crush freedom than allow for it, when you could just cook meth and wear lots of blingin’ jewelry?

It’s a question that every great thinker of virtually every generation must ask his or herself; few have been able to articulate an answer as lucid and persuasive as Mr. Chainz.

Along with his presence in the economic sphere of politics, 2 Chainz has also been recognized for his role as a figurehead in the world of feminism.

“Her ass so big it look like she trying to walk backwards.”

There are few things that seem to take greater weight and gravitas in 2 Chainz’s lyrics than the issue of modern women having an unhealthy relationship with their body image. 2 Chainz has repeatedly voiced his support of women maintaining a shape that is comfortable for them and realistic to maintain.

His vocal desire to have gratuitous amounts of sex with women with big asses is sort of like a suffrage movement for the 21st century.

On top of all this, 2 Chainz has indicated his interest in getting in touch with his entrepreneurial spirit, and has already made some suggestions for possible ventures with Apple in the near future.

“I get high and I fly past/I don’t know nothing ‘bout iChat/I’m working this iPhone/They need an app called iTrap.”

Rumor has it that Tim Cook and 2 Chainz have already begun a series of discussions regarding the future of iTrap, and what direction 2 Chainz would like Apple to take the new application in once it goes live. There are also rumors that Google’s Larry Page tried to interfere on the deal, but this is all little more than speculation.

To be clear, “trap” is a commonly used term to indicate an area where an illegal drug deal is going to take place. One could safely assume that iTrap would be an app that somehow coordinates these illegal transactions.

Or perhaps it will be a generator of “trap music,” a type of highly aggressive rap with Southern roots. If the rumors about Cook and Page were false, the two would be wise to take note and contact Mr. Chainz immediately — clearly both ideas are guaranteed home runs.

And now that 2 Chainz is facing the threat of a possible arrest, he can be revered as even more of a hero. He is Malcolm X; he is Joan of Arc.

Before law enforcers put this revolutionary leader behind bars, they must consider that Block Party will be so much more than a concert — it might very well be the most eye-opening experience students of our generation will come across.

To think, the Dalai Lama last year and 2 Chainz this year. We are so incredibly lucky.

Chelsea DeBaise is a senior writing major. She believes profound social commentary can be found in just about all hip-hop songs if you’re willing to look really, really hard for it. She can be reached via email at cedebais@syr.edu or on Twitter @CDeBaise124

Published on April 10, 2014 at 1:00 am